Feeling anxious at social gatherings? You’re not alone! One of my clients, I’ll call her Gail, is a successful 35-year-old marketing agent with ADHD who recently attended a networking event that left her feeling drained. Social events can steal your energy for many reasons. It's even more overwhelming when you don’t know a path forward. I’ll discuss some common reasons it can feel this way for those with ADHD and share easy ways to empower yourself.
Gail's Experience
From the moment she entered the event, Gail imagined that everyone knew how to present themselves professionally, but her. Gail revealed, “Although I’m 35, I often feel like I’m not a genuine grown-up and that I need to put on this professional persona. This is often a shared feeling for adults with ADHD, where they still feel like children.
The “real” Gail is quirky and likes to blurt out funny things, but she is too worried about people thinking she is weird or stupid, so she holds back. For the entire event, Gail filtered herself and conformed to some impossibly inflated standard that she considered to be the pinnacle of professionalism. She masked her true self and in turn, it drained her energy.
Gail is not alone. Individuals with ADHD often feel as though who they are is not enough. They try to hold themselves to what they believe are “neurotypical standards.” Experts believe that having a history of making mistakes and being told you are doing things wrong one’s whole life has a profound impact on the self-esteem of those with ADHD and how they feel about themselves as adults.
There are other reasons the event felt challenging for Gail, too, many of which are common for people who have ADHD. See if you resonate with them…
Common Reasons Your Social Battery Feels Drained
Having Boring Social Interactions.
ADHD minds are “interest-based,” so interest is needed to engage the brain. Conversations that don’t hold our interest can be incredibly painful, and at events like this, there tend to be many of those!
Difficulty Sustaining Attention.
Gail was aware that there was a possibility she might drift off during conversations. She remembers all too well the countless embarrassing times people discovered her vacant expression and asked her if she was listening. She was mortified and did not want to show up like this. Tips for paying better attention.
Being Overly Self-Critical.
Gail could be trying her hardest to pay attention, but it’s not about effort; this is how her brain is wired. It’s not her intention to be rude, and without understanding her brain or how to support herself, she doesn't know how to achieve a different outcome. Gail is quick to beat herself up about it.
Having All-or-Nothing Thinking.
Despite how uncomfortable it felt, Gail tried to ignore her feelings, and she stayed in this setting for the full 8 hours. Why? People with ADHD tend to have black-and-white thinking; no other possibility occurred to her than to stay until the event was over.
Though this is how ADHD brains manifest, there are things you can do to recharge your social battery!
5 Empowering Tips to Recharge
Use Curiosity.
Focus on steering the conversation to things that interest you and ask questions about them. This can do wonders for helping your brain stay engaged and stimulated.
Notice Your Inner Critic.
Does your inner dialogue sound something like, “I’m not enough” or “What’s wrong with me?” Try asking yourself how these negative thoughts serve you. You’re right; they don’t. ADHD minds are wired for negative thoughts, which only cause us to feel bad and deplete our energy.
Practice Self-Compassion.
Accept that social gatherings can be challenging for you. This is one struggle; it’s not all of who you are. Author Kristen Neff, PH.D writes, “We need to stop labeling ourselves as “good” or “bad and simply accept ourselves with an open heart…”
Forgive Yourself.
Remind yourself that making mistakes is human, and without them, we miss out on opportunities to learn and grow. Adopt a mindset of “treating yourself with the same kindness, care, and compassion you would show a good friend”–Kristen Neff, PH.D.
Set a Boundary.
Pay attention to your body. When you feel low energy, it’s an indication that a boundary needs to be set. Instead of the full duration, permit yourself to stay for an hour, or decide to leave after speaking with five people. When we set boundaries that take the pressure off and take care of our needs, we empower ourselves. Feel your energy rise!
You got this!
P.S. Is procrastination keeping you stuck? Click here for easy tips to get started with tedious tasks.
If you'd like to learn how ADHD Life Coaching can help you live to your fullest potential, select a time on Julie's calendar for a FREE 15-minute Coaching Chat.
Feel Like You're Always Playing Catch Up?
6 Simple Mindset Shifts to Take Control!
Access Your FREE GUIDE Here!
* By clicking this link, you will occasionally receive emails from me with ADHD-friendly tips to reduce overwhelm and increase productivity!